My Pussy by Any Other Name Would Still Taste As Sweet!

Some of you liked what I had to say about the whole markets and investing thing but for most I think it was a big yawnfest. Oh well. Hey, even when I'm interesting most people don't react that much so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised huh?

You know there are a good number of girls out there who get offended if you use the word cunt? See, I've never gotten that but for them, this is like the ultimate bad word. It's so bad that its been relegated up there with fuck as something you can only use the first letter of because any more than one letter is just too much. You know, its the 'c' word or the 'f' word. See, you can do that because everyone knows what you're talking about. If you say oh that girl over there is the 'c' word, you don't think the four letter word being referenced to is cute. After all, we can say cute, it doesn't bother anyone, but if you say cunt, people freak out.

Personally I don't have a problem with the word. I don't really use it myself but I don't care if other people use it. If someone calls me a cunt (which in a way they wouldn't understand is accurate because I'm so sexually charged that I am basically a walking pussy with a fuck me now sign tattoo'd to my head) then its like they called me a bitch or whatever. Same thing. Whatever. Other girls sometimes will refer to their pussies as their cunt or my cunt or her cunt. I was chatting with a Mistress friend of mine this morning and we were talking about some ideas for doing a scene together and she said that she wanted to chain me down to a padded horse and rub my cunt through my panties. That sounds fine to me. Granted, I would have said pussy, but its all good. I like the word pussy and I use it a lot. Cunt is a little too crude for me and vagina sounds way too clinical. On the other hand, pussy is erotic and fun while still having really positive connotations.

I have other words like this too. Like most girls I usually refer to my boobs. I like boobs, its fun and not too sexually explicit so you can talk about your boobs out in public and no one will care. Oddly, if you say the word tits instead in the same conversation, heads will turn and people will mutter under their breath. You know, "oh for shame that nasty little oriental whore who keeps talking about her tits". Of course if they bothered to look they'd see that my tits are so small that I really don't have much to talk about. Still, I like the word tits sometimes. Its naughty, erotic and a little bit crude without being as crude as say the word cunt.

I tend to shy away from clinical terms though. We already talked about how while I may have a vagina with an easily stimulated clitoris, I'll always call it my pussy and clit. Same with my ass. You can also call that my backdoor, third hole, whatever turns you on as long as you use it right? We're not going to call it my rectum or anus. That's kind of boring to me. I mean come on, if you're going to fuck me in the ass at least you could call it something interesting right? Though I guess for some people, using a clinical term for a deviant sexual act may be a turn on as well. Hey, why not. I'm just saying how it is for me.

I've always wondered though why some words are bad and some are not. And then of course as society changes, what we consider bad changes too. Hell and damn used to be curse words, now you can weave them into polite conversation without skipping a beat. When I play tennis and there's children around and I miss a shot, I have to scream fudge, frick or some other variation. Come on, we all know what I meant here. Isn't it the context and not the word itself that's offensive? Are we really offended when I say "what the fuck are you doing?" as compared to "hey, wanna fuck me and my cute sister?" Maybe as a society its just further proof that we're spending way too much time focusing on insignificant crap that does nothing to better things but it makes us feel better anyway. You can point to dozens of "hot button" political issues that all do the same thing. They don't really change anything but some people think that gosh, if we can just get the 10 commandments into schools (or out of them depending on your point of view) then all of the problems in the schools will magically dissapear. Kind of how saying boobs instead of tits or vagina instead of cunt or pussy makes it into something different. Hey, my pussy is already like candy to anyone lucky enough to sample it, we don't need to come up with words to make it sound any sweeter, then I'd never be able to close my legs!

Taking Financial Advice from a Chained Slut Whore

First of all I wanted to let you know that I really liked some of the comments that people made about my last post. It was great to hear that some of you are going to make more of an effort to give something back. I've been saying that the more you put into it, the more you get out of it. It's totally true. Whether its money you put into it by enjoying the extra benefits or your time and then you get some great discussions going on the forums or in the comments or you inspire me to write some really cool stuff too. See, its all good!

Anyway, today I'm not talking about sex or fetish or anything. I guess I could but you know how I am. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. Most of you don't know this but I also post sometimes on a few message boards that are totally not sex related but investment related. This is because I've done a lot of study over the years about investments, markets and stuff. Hey, call me a nerd (but a sexy one) but I just think that sort of thing is very cool to know. Besides, it all started from the basic idea that no one else will ever be as comitted to making your money work hard for you as you will be. The first loyalty any of those guys out there, mutual funds, advisors, etc. have is putting money in their own pockets first and if you get a little too, well that's fine as well. I'd rather know what to do and put money in my pocket first and if those who help me with the transactions, whether real estate brokers, stock brokers, advisors or whatever make a fair profit for fair work, well that's fine too.

One of the things that was very difficult for me to accept for a long time was the fact that almost every piece of financial advice you hear on TV or read in the newspapers is ass backwards. See, most people are conditioned by the "Wall Street machine" over the course of their lives to believe certain things to be truths. So they sometimes get very resistant to the idea that these "truths" are put out there not because they're the best way to make money for you but because its the best way to make money for the people on the other side of the transaction. I've had some people argue with me about this but I've usually found its because they aren't seeing the big picture with an open mind and so they still cling to the old way of looking at things.

I'll give you some examples. Buy and hold. This one is classic. They tell you that you should buy a stock or mutual fund and hold it forever. Of course this is flawed because it assumes that over time, the value of anything you buy will always go up. Sure, the markets in general might have gone up an average of 9 or 10 percent over the last 10 or 20 years or whatever, but that doesn't mean every stock will and just because a stock goes down doesn't mean it will go back up and that doesn't make it cheap. Sometimes a stock (or mutual fund even) goes down for the count and never really gets back up. Besides the money you lose in something like that, there's the lost opportunity cost. In other words, while you're sitting in an investment that's going no where and isn't likely to, you could have had your money in something else that was growing. How many times have you heard "you can't time the market". They tell you this right about the time they say there's no point in trying to buy and sell to time the market. Of course the phrase that ALWAYS follows you can't time the market is "you can't buy at the price bottom or sell at the precise top". See, that's the qualifier. You can time the market in generalities, just not specifics. In other words, it is possible to tell the general trend of the market and whether that trend is changing. Certainly you'll almost never get out at the exact top or in at the exact bottom, but you don't have to. As long as you hit it reasonably close, that's all that matters.

Besides using such qualifiers, they also use omissions of information. I was reading a book the other night by Arthur Levitt called "Take on the Street" (yes, when I'm not playing with my pussy I do read) and he said if you missed the 15 best up days, your return over whatever 10 year period would have been 5% instead of like 18% if you had just bought and held. Well duh. If you take out the best days and leave the rest, of course it will be lower. Gah. You don't have to be a former SEC chairman to figure that out. A more fair assessment would have been to take out the 15 best days AND the 15 worst days. Since we're timing the market, its fair to assume if we miss the best, maybe we'll miss the worst too right? According to Investors Business Daily, if you did that over the same period your return would be close to 25% and if you did successfully time the broader market trends and missed the 15 worst days, your return would be over 30% for that period. Of course all the pundits tell you about are taking out the 10 or 15 best days. That's just not fair. Markets go up, they go down, they recover. It has more to do with human behavior and psychology than anything and over time that doesn't really change. People are hopefully and greedy when they should be fearful (of losing even more of their money) and they should be hopefully and greedy when they are fearful (of losing what little profit they've gotten). If you use the same investment strategies as the average person, if you follow average advise and if you do what everyone else seems to be doing, you WILL be average. That's how it works! That wouldn't be a bad thing except average really isn't cutting it in terms of getting your money to work for YOU, not for someone else.

Here's another gem I like from the investment machine. Diversify. Sometimes they'll say it three times as though that makes it even more important. They'll say the three most important things in investing is diversify, diversify, diversify. Um, no, no and no. Even, Warren Buffett said that diversification was protection against ignorance (meaning if you study and learn and know what you're doing, there's no reason to diversify) and he also said "put all your eggs in one basket and watch that basket very, very closely". I'm not against diversification per se, but it has to be done right. Owning 50 mutual funds is not diversification. They're all stocks! If the stock market tanks (like 2000-2002), then you're going down, period. If you're going to diversify it should be between asset classes, not within them. So you might own a few stocks, real estate and business investments. So if one falters, the other two might do okey (case in point, if half your money was in stocks in 2000 and the other half was in real estate, you'd be ahead of the game big time now. On the other hand, if you were "diversified" in mutual funds in 2000, you still would probably be underwater). The key is knowing what you're doing or at least having an advisor you can trust to put your interests first who knows what he's doing. The only thing diversification within an asset class does is water down your gains. In other words, look at it from a risk/reward point of view. By buying a bunch of mutual funds, your risk is only slightly lower than stocks but your reward is lowered big time (mutual funds are very limited in what they can do and 98% of mutual funds do not significantly beat the market anyway but carry fees of 1-2% which can erode your compounded profits over time by as much as 66%, for example, over 40 years in a mutual fund with 8% average annual return, starting with say 1000 you would have 24,000, but after fees it's only 11,000). You took the risk, it was your money, but they got most of it and you got the small piece. What the hell happened there?

The fact is, the best way to reduce risk is to increase knowledge and information. The more info you have, the less risk you have because you can make better decisions. A lot of people just don't want to be bothered with it and that's fine, but look at it this way: you go out and work all day to earn money right? Well, your money should go out and work too. Most people let their money just sit and be lazy or not do their jobs properly. The job of your money is to work hard and multiply, but in order to make sure they're doing their jobs right, you or someone you trust has to supervise them. This brings us to the last little point I want to make. Most people don't realize it but if you're not making at least a 6% average annual return, you're losing money. Seriously, letting your money sit in a "safe and low risk" account at say 4% is VERY risky because you're LOSING money! You don't think you are, but you are. Look at it this way. 6% is break even. A third or so will likely go to taxes leaving you with 4% and inflation lately has run 3-5% per year (the last several years have seen a historically low inflation rate so if we were in more historical levels, even 6% wouldn't cut it). So the only way you will come out with more money in the future (in terms of buying power, not actual dollars) than today is to get more than 6% on average.

There are a lot of other lies, misinformation and manipulations that I've learned about but I don't want to overburden you with information and besides, I know you come here for sex and fetish and talk about me sucking cocks and licking pussies so I don't want to freak you out or anything. I'm just passionate about this subject so when I start ranting about it I kind of go off. I think the bottom line is that you can't listen to others. Not the TV, the newspaper, your friends or even me. You can't take hot stock or real estate or business tips. You just have investigate things yourself and see if the risk/reward scenerio makes sense. Not enough people are willing to do that I think and its too bad because if you ever want to truly let your money work for you instead of you working for your money, that's one of the best ways to do it. Anyway, that's enough financial talk for now, there may be more another time but next time I'll try to make up for it by talking about cum or strap ons or me on a leash or something. Sound fair?

It's As Important to Give as to Receive!

You know, I've noticed that the same people always share their comments about my web log posts. So for them I want to say thank you because I love to hear what you have to say and sometimes the comments are really hot and they totally get me off. Hey, it's only fair right? You get to get off by looking at my tight little brown body, shouldn't I get something in return huh? Don't you want to see my little pussy wet and dripping? See, some of you clearly do so you write me some really cool thoughts. Now I know some people just are never going to write anything and that's cool, I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate the ones who do and that for the ones who write me really hot comments sometimes or post really hot things in the forum section, my wet little pussy thanks you too!

I also wanted to thank the people who were taking advantage of some of the extra features like getting access to the protected area content of my webcage which of course has hundreds of stories, thousands of photos including me doing all kinds of naughty things, videos and other stuff. Also, taking advantage of the video library or the live video chat features are great ways to help support my little webcage as well, plus you get to have lots of fun in the process. Seriously, if I could I would have all this stuff out there for free for you but the problem is that it costs money to keep this site up and running. There's expenses for a server, bandwidth, connections, photography, outfits, video file conversion, etc. It's not as easy as it looks. Seriously and if it weren't for the help of some very great people, I don't that my webcage would even still be here.

So remember that the best way that you can both help keep my website here and have a lot of fun in the process is to enjoy some of the other features. I've always thought that even though much of my webcage is free, nothing should be truly free and you either pay by of course contributing money by enjoying other services or you pay by contributing your time by interacting on the forum section, sharing comments, writing stories or sharing your thoughts. I may be the focus of this website but really I think of it as a nice little bondage oriented community and while you're free to choose how you give back to our community, I would really love it if everyone made an effort to do something. Plus the other nice thing about sharing is this is a big source of my ideas. Sure I get lots of stuff to write blog posts or even stories about from my own experiences, but I get a lot of that from reading what you have to say too. So by sharing, you're also helping me out by giving more fun stuff to share back. I hope that's cool with everyone and I hope you keep getting off on my little body and on my webcage...and hopefuly I'll get to keep getting off on you and your thoughts too. Sound fair?

Hey, Want to Hear a Stalker Story? Cool!

I've met a lot of great people both in the scene and online and just in general. I have a lot of great friends and as you can probably tell, I have a lot of fun with whatever I do. Sometimes I go out on dates and sometimes I just offer myself up for a good fucking and that's how it goes with me you know.

There is one problem I have encountered a few times and it totally sucks and its one frankly that a lot of girls (and some guys too) have dealt with at some point...the dreaded crazed stalker!

I know you wouldn't believe it to look at me but while I do attract plenty of wierdo crazies, most of the at least have the mental capacity to get the message if things aren't going to happen. I've had a few guys though that just didn't get it. No meant yes and fuck off meant yes yes to them. See, this is one of the reasons I'm so careful about my private information online too. I've had plenty of perfectly nice sounding people ask me more specific questions but you know a girl like me can't take chances right? You never know who you're dealing with. Granted, most of my stalkers came from people who just knew me from one thing or another. There was one guy I used to see sometimes surfing at the same beach. He was cool but I didn't want to date him or anything. Still, he would get totally possessive and wierd if I talked to other guys and after a while the freak would follow me around. At first he would say that he was just going in the same direction and it was coincidence but come on, that excuse only flies a couple of times. Finally he admitted that he was following me because he was so into me and I should give him a chance and blah blah blah. What a load of crap. It was also like this guy had no friends either. What's up with that? It seems like stalkers never seem to have friends because if they did, the friends would likely step in and say "hey buddy, you're being an idiot, move on" and as such, they wouldn't become stalkers.

So not wanting to become a dismembered statistic in a body bag, I stopped surfing at that beach and never went back. See, that's what pisses me off. Why should I have to change my lifestyle and my choices just because crazy asshole has no concept of reality? It's just not fair, but that's how it is right?

Sure, I get plenty of emails from people saying they want to dominate me or serve me or whatever and for the most part as I've said, I don't meet online people really because you really have to have trust just to meet someone much less to go even further and that's very hard to build up online. Instead I think making friends, sharing thoughts and ideas and getting off on that is totally cool.

So here's the thing that really pisses me off. As I said, stalkers don't seem to have friends right? But I do, and in the past they've betrayed me. I had to put my little brown foot down and establish rules with all my friends. See, a couple of years ago I was at this party in Hollywood for some music person, I don't know what, but anyway there was this loser who came up to me to talk and I just wasn't interested. At the time I figured okey, maybe he's a nice guy but you know, not my type right? He asked for my number, I said thanks but no.

I go home, shower, hop in bed naked (because I always sleep naked unless I'm either chained up or having my period...which I'm having now by the way for those of you who were curious about my cycles. Maybe that's why my post is so bitchy today huh?), fall asleep and like two hours later at like four in the morning my phone rings. It's this guy. I'm like hey, I didn't give you my number and if I had who the hell calls the same night and if you do, what kind of idiot jackass calls at four in the morning. Come on man, grow some manners for god's sake! Well he tells me he got my number from my friend Molly (who I've since lost touch with, whatever), and he though we should go out. Ugh! I told him no, hung up and went back to bed. See, that should have solved the problem right? No way.

This asshole calls back the next day, and the next, and so on. See, somewhere along the line some misguided dickhead or worse yet, some stupid teen movie told him that girls like persistence and if he just keeps trying, eventually I'll give in and we'll fall in love and make babies. Welcome to Crazyville. Population: You!

See, then it gets worse. He just "happens" to bump into me. The first time at the Starbucks when I was getting a nice hot mocha (why the hell can't they just call them small, medium and large by the way, what the fuck is up with the tall, grande and vente? I order a small the girl says tall. I say small, she says tall. I said fine, give me medium she says grande. I say I don't want a big grande I want medium. She says that is medium. I said what do you call aspirin because I think I need one) and this guy is there and was like, oh, let me pay for that and look, I got you a cinnamon roll. How the hell did he know I wanted a cinnamon roll? I didn't order it yet. I didn't tell anyone. You no whow? Because this wasn't the first time Mr. Asshole saw me in the Starbucks ordering stuff. Sick huh?

Okey, so the first time I run into this wierdo I'm like whatever. Creepy? For sure. Time to get out the pepper spray? Not yet. Actually it was time for the pepper spray, I just didn't know it yet. So this guy keeps running into me. At the gym, the El Pollo Loco (I love that place), the mall, you name it. He was calling me everyday and I was pretty sure that he space all cleared out in the trunk of his car for my dead body.

I changed my number and once again, I had to change my habits. See, what an asshole. No more Starbucks mochas for a while, no more El Pollo Loco. What a pain. I hadn't heard anything for a while and then one day I'm sitting in the living room with a friend (this was at my old place which was on the first floor by the way. I've moved since then and sorry, if you don't know where it is, I'm not going to tell you) and she looks at the window and is like "hey, there's some guy there, do you know him?" I looked and its the same creepy guy, peeping through the window. Well I'd had enough already. I called the godamn police and finally ended up getting a restraining order. What a bunch of bullshit. The whole time he was professing his love for me and how I was the only girl for him. At what point did we go from "no I won't give you my number now fuck off" to love? How did that happen? At no point did I encourage this jackass and I barely gave him the time of day. Love my brown ass. This guy was on the crazy train and there was no way it was making a stop at my station!

Believe it or not, I haven't had a stalker since that time, so I'm doing pretty well. Most of the people I deal with are pretty cool so I guess my more stringent vetting processes are working. Okey, I didn't tell all the details or incidents of that story and no, its not the only stalker incidents I've dealt with but you know, I can only share so much at one time right? Anyway, if you've never had to put up with a stalker, congratulations! They're a pain in the ass and very inconvenient (not to mention scary). If you are a stalker, get a fucking life okey? Come on already, if a girl (or guy) doesn't like you, deal with it and move on. And if you have been stalked and you're anything like me, you make sure that the pepper spray is ready to go at a moment's notice!

So if you have any stories or thoughts to share on this please do okey? Seriously, maybe it will trigger some of my blocked memories on this issue and we can all have a talk and a hug. Or maybe a a pancake instead. Or maybe I'll just suck your cock or pussy while you have a pancake. So many options, so little time.

Little Brown Fucktoy Whore to a Famous Dom/me

I was watching bondage porn the other day, I love to watch bondage porn, I'm a huge fan. That includes watching myself by the way. I get off on me. Why not! I know I've written about my love of bondage porn before and how I can sit here and play with myself and even when I'm sitting with friends I'll play with my little pussy. Seriously, I have no control. I've been with a group of friends and we've been watching porn for fun and they'll see me getting off with my hand down my panties. Hey, I don't apologize, this is how I am. If anything I should offer them a taste, right?

But I also like to watch others people in porn too and its hot. I've said before that there are some fetish videos out there like the ones from Gwenmedia (you can watch some of them by clicking on my video on demand link on the top of my webcage) and a few other companies are great. I like regular porn too but the problem is that most of it's pretty cheap and not very satisfying for me. What can I say, I'm a quality girl!

Okey, so someone said a while ago that I should talk about a famous dom/me that I wanted to be with. I'm really not sure what qualifies as famous. I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I got an email from Cheryl Dynasty (Khan, etc) to do a video. Is she famous? I know she's done a bunch of videos but she's very cute and I think that would be a lot of fun. I don't know how she is at being a dominatrix though, I haven't seen her work and I'm wondering too if the question was based more on the quality of the bondage session as opposed to just how cute the girl is even if she doesn't know what she's doing (I'm not saying that Cheryl doesn't know what she's doing, I'm sure she's a great domme, I just haven't seen it is all).

Some of the other bondage porn people I think would be interesting to be dominated by might be Kim Wilde, Alexis Payne, Ashley Renee, Ona Zee, etc. Okey, I know they're not exactly young chicks anymore but there's really no substitute for experience and I've seen some of them play at different clubs and events here in L.A. The Threshold parties tended to attract a good crowd of amateurs, professionals, porn people, the whole thing. The good fetish clubs, especially in Hollywood and West Hollywood gets a good mix of these kinds of people too. . I've seen others like Chasey Laine and Kitty taking on submissive roles. I wonder how they would be as dommes. Of course you can never quite tell if a porn person is doing the bondage because they're into porn and this is just another paycheck, or if they're truly a fetishist. I've done videos with girls who just didn't give a crap. They were like, "okey whip, whip whip, then you lick my boots, then I leash you and spank your pussy, you cum and I go home right?" See, for me its not a job, gah. It's fun! If its not fun, you shouldn't be doing it I think. Of course I am such a horny little bitch with a dripping wet pussy that I'd probably get off on a cooking show (mmm, cucumbers, carrots and is that an eggplant? Oh my!)

So that being the case, maybe I should look more at true bondage and fetish people. There's a guy out in Tokyo named Osada Steve who does incredible Japanese rope bondage. He's a total expert. My problem though is that I'm not a big fan of rope bondage really, I'm more of a chains and leather kind of girl. Okey, so then I have to wonder if the question is meaning to submit for real or in a fantasy nothing held back kind of way. If that's the definition, I think I'd go with someone like John Fitzgerald (Thndrshark) or J.G. Leathers. Are they famous? I'm not sure but if you're a fan of my site then you've definately heard of them. John directs a lot of the Gwenmedia videos too. These guys are easily the most creative, interesting and sick (I mean that in a good way) bdsm guys I've seen. Plus I have the added bonus of having known them both for several years so we've built up a little bit of a relationship and there's a nice foundation of trust there. Still, I'm sure both would love to pierce up all my naughty little fleshy parts that don't already have rings in them and make all kinds of modifications to my tight, brown little body before humiliating me, verbally abusing me and constraining me so that my every movement is completely controlled. Mmmm, sounds delicious doesn't it?

So I guess that's the best answer to the question I can really give. Maybe you have an idea of a famous dom/me that you want to see take me as their slave bitch in heat, chain me, abuse, humiliate, display and exhibit me and ultimately make me cum like the depraved little fucktoy whore that I am. I'm sure a lot of the more dominant visitors to my webcage will volunteer their services, which is very nice of course, but the question is what famous dom/me so if you're not considered "famous", think of someone else okey?

Money or Orgasms. Tough Choice?

I just thought I would give you a quick follow up on my supposedly bi-curious Asian friend. She called me this morning and we had a nice talk and stuff but in the course of the conversation I think she mentioned how much she likes guys like five times at least. I definately think she's in scared/denial mode and its kind of wierd to see. You know, she's like one of these pendulums that swings from extreme to extreme but each time it seems like she swings a little closer to figuring things out. That's why I think eventually she'll get it, it's just going to take some time and she's going to have to overcome her own issues so that she can finally admit to herself without any shame or guilt or whatever that it may be worth asking some questions and keeping an open mind. Until then its all good. I've got her back either way, I just like seeing people happy I guess.

Anyway, I went out Friday night to a club with a couple friends. It was okey, there weren't as many people as the last time we were there and by two we figured there wouldn't be many more. I don't usually like to stay out too late, not because I'm like a really old person or anything but because a lot of times I get up really early to go surfing or exercise or whatever. Still, I can handle the occasional late night. I think the club just wasn't as good as last time. Before it had kind of a cool techno kind of dance music that just had one song leading into another and you couldn't really tell the difference. It was just a lot of sounds that were cool and I had a great time and there were so many people and I was just dripping with sweat. I think I probably talked about this in one of my blog posts a while back. This time of course with not so many people it wasn't so hot and I wasn't sweaty dripping which was actually a lot of fun. Hey, sweaty isn't cool for a guy but if you see a beautiful young girl with skin glistening skin, that's very hot!

I don't know what the deal was though, but I will say the music kind of sucked. It was all over the place, like the DJ (and I know I've complained about dysfunctional DJs in my previous blogs) would play 70's music then go into some techno dance and hip hop then like gangsta rap. There was no consistency and by the time you started to get into anything he would change it. I bet he thought he was being clever and talented but really he was a pain in my ass who made things a lot less fun.

It was an okey night though. Naturally my friends and I got hit on a lot (hey, what do you expect) but most of the guys were okey. I love to people watch when I go to these things and just check things out and try and guess people's stories. A few older guys were dancing with really young girls...definately all about the Benjamins for sure. I also saw a couple of guys who looked like they were in their 30's but bald, glasses, pudgy, short, you get the idea. Like George from Seinfeld and they were dancing with some cute girls too. My friends and I thought the girls were out of their league so good for them. Maybe they have money, maybe they have big cocks or maybe they're just likeable guys. I dunno. There was this one guy though who looked like an al Queda poster boy who was throwing money around and being a total asshole about it. He kept pointing at people and buying drinks for them, which isn't really the asshole part, but then he would grab the bartender by the collar and shake him and get angry if the bartender serviced anyone but him. You would think the bartender would get pissed off (and I suspect he did) but every time after this guy would grab the bartender, he would slip him a hundred to make up for it and he grabbed him a lot, so I guess that's a nice trade off of dignity for cash huh? I guess that's what this guy had to do in order to feel like a big shot right? Hey, I don't mind trading my dignity either, but when I'm humiliated, at least it usually means I get to cum. So which is better? A hundred or an orgasm? That's a tough choice. In my experience though, the guys who go out of their way to get attention paid to them (like this guy trying to be a big shot at the club or guys with loud cars or motorcycles, etc) generally do so because they have tiny little cocks and they feel so insecure about it that they think they have to put on a big show to get a woman to look at them. Hey, whatever. For me, I don't care for a cock no matter how big or small it is if it's attached to an asshole.

To Bi or Not to Bi. That is the Question.

Yesterday I was driving back from lunch with a very cute Asian friend of mine and we were in my Jeep talking about things like sexuality and stuff. It was a nice talk. It's kind of strange because as long as I've known her she's always adamantly proclaimed her heterosexuality. She has from time to time made a point about how she's not a lesbian and doesn't want to do anything with other girls. That's fine with me. I mean, sure, she's really cute and all but but hey, you are what you are and if that's what she is then that's fine. Still, it's one of those things that tended to come up a little too often with her and its kind of like that Shakespeare quote from Hamlet "the lady doth protest too much methinks" (hey, I bet you didn't know a girl as cute as me would even know who Shakespeare was huh?)

This is the thing though, despite that she always proclaimed disinterest in sex with other women and not being lesbian, etc., there are things I already knew about her. For example, I know she loves looking at beautiful white girls, especially in porn videos. She's come over to my house and we've watched lesbian bondage porn together but she'll only watch the ones with the caucasians. I also know that one time we went to a party at a dungeon club and we had a couple of lesbian girls performing for us (they were both Asian) and after we chained one of the girls to a cross, my friend had no reservations about licking the girl's nipple to get it hard for clamps and rubbing ice on her pussy. Finally she would tell me from time to time about dreams she has in which she's playing with a girl's large boobs (she's a small boob girl like me) or licking her pussy or having her pussy licked by a girl and how much she liked it. Of course whenever she told me about these dreams, it was always followed with something like "it's really wierd I would have these dreams because I'm totally straight and I have no lesbian interest at all".

So obviously her feelings on the whole girl on girl action issue may not be as clear as she thought. It was pretty clear to me the whole time that she may have some feelings about sex with other girls, and sure I mentioned to her that maybe she should try something out and see if she likes it but of course she would always protest that she didn't want to do that because why? She's straight not lesbian of course. Finally yesterday she seemed to becoming to the realization that maybe she's not as straight as she thought.

See, here's how the whole conversation began. We were sitting at a really long light on Santa Monica Boulevard near West Hollywood which is like the gay capital of the planet. As you might expect, a guy who looked super flaming from his manner of dress, walking and looks walked in the crosswalk past the front of the car and I said to her as a joke, hey, do you think he's gay? This is kind of game we play sometimes. We'll see someone who is obviously gay and ask that question and the answer is usually something like "Duh! Obvious!". So I did that and she said, well its just the way he is you know. Maybe its hormones or some other biological thing (one thing is that both of us have agreed that why people are gay probably have a lot more to do with nature and biology than choice, this being based on the fact that in many other animal species, there are plenty of examples of homosexual behavior as well). Our convesation shifted to people who deny what they are because of society or whatever and I said that there was no point in doing that. Sure, if you have no attraction whatsoever to the same sex then you're not gay. There's no denial about it, that's just not you. On the other hand, if you are attracted to the same sex and you find yourself thinking about them in a sexual way, you may at least be bi (if you enjoy the opposite sex a great deal like I do) but you have such strong feelings of guilt, denial or societal shame or whatever that you can't come to terms with your feelings so you shove them down in the hopes that they'll go away because you just want to feel normal and fit in (this is a subject I know a lot about because even though I accepted that I was bi at a younger age, I did go through a period of wondering if something was wrong with me or if I was a pervert, which I am by the way but not because of that, or if this was a choice like a lot of people think, it's not by the way, you are what you are).

So finally she admitted to me that she may have feelings about sex with other girls. She recounted some of the stuff I told you about above like the dreams and the porn and she said that she really liked looking at white girls with big boobs. She'd always gotten really defensive in the past if I suggested she might be bi, but this time I tried a new tactic which was to suggest that she might be bi-curious. She didn't know what that was so I said that's where you're not sure. You have an attraction to the same sex that maybe you've denied or maybe not, but the point is, the attraction is there. As I said, if it's not there, then there's no question, but with this girl, it's probably there. So I continued that there's nothing wrong with bi-curious. It means what it says. You're not bi, but you are curious and you're not 100% sure what you are at that point. I suggested the best way to handle it was just to be open minded and if an opportunity presents itself, maybe to experiment a little and see how it goes. She may discover that she's not bi after all and just likes to admire cute girls, or she may find that she can get pleasure from both sexes.

She then reminded me of this fetish club we went to and this switch friend of mine was there with her slavegirl but she liked my friend and kept rubbing her leg and kissing her neck which my friend said made her uncomfortable. At first I thought that was because she kept saying she was straight or maybe because here was this totally strange (and frankly not super cute) woman trying to feel her up in the middle of the club. Now I think, sure that last reason probably did factor in, but maybe in addition it was that things started to get too close to what she was in denial about and she got scared and told herself that it was creepy to keep herself from enjoying it, though under the circumstance maybe it would have been creepy even if she was fully bi, I dunno.

So maybe she'll explore her sexuality further and get a better idea of what she is, I hope she does. Life is too short to go around and be something you're not just because other people say that's the way it should be. Of course for all my efforts at trying to guide her do you think I'll benefit if she finally does decide she's bi? Probably not because as I said, she likes caucasian girls with big boobs which definately does not describe me. Oh well. If you are a really cute white girl with big boobs, I may have a cute Asian girl for you...but be gentle and go slow with her okey?

Maliia's Theories on Willpower and Car Alarms

My last post inspired a very small reaction but not much really so I think if something that fun doesn't get you excited about sharing your thoughts with me then nothing will. So instead I think I'll babble about other stuff. First of all I thought it was interesting in this middle east thing that after the cease fire, both sides said they won. It's always nice when you can have a little war and have everyone come out feeling like winners. It's sort of like when children participate in sporting events and they get a ribbon just for participating. You know, it's important for the "special" children to feel like winners too.

You might notice I'm posting this really early this morning (it's not even four am yet), not because I've been up all night but because a car alarm kept ringing for like an hour this morning and it was super loud. I mean it was louder than my alarm clock and I had the doors and windows closed and everything and then when I opened the door to try and figure out which car was the offender, it was super loud. I'm not sure what the point of that is you know? No one even pays attention to those loud car alarms and honestly, I'm not the only one who thought that throwing a brick at the car in the hopes it would knock it out for good would be a nice idea. Okey, maybe it makes the guy who broke your window in the hopes of stealing your stereo run away in a panic, but if someone actually knows what they're doing, I'm pretty sure a little car alarm like that isn't going to stop them. As a matter of fact, I was kind of hoping that someone was stealing the car so at least it would be driven far away from me. Seriously, the only reason I would be tempted to call the police wouldn't be to report the car being stolen but rather to report the alarm going off for 45 minutes! The real problem is that any car worth stealing probably has special theft deterrent systems in it like special keys, engine disabling systems and stuff. The noisy car alarms are pretty cheap to buy and install so they tend to be put on cars that no one would bother to steal or break into anyway.

So a while ago I was talking about how diets don't work and the only way to lose wait and keep it off is to make a lifestyle change. I was laying in bed this morning with stupid asshole guy's car alarm going off (I'm wrongfully assuming it was a guy's car, it could have been a woman's but you know, men are always trying to find ways to get attention and maybe this car alarm thing was just another way to say "hey look at me"). Anyway, I was thinking about why some people do things to extremes and others do them in moderation or not much at all. A lot of people will see a fat person walking down the street and think that person has no willpower. I used to think this same thing about smokers (I can't stand cigarette smoke and frankly, most smokers are pretty disrespectful too but that's another topic) that they had no willpower to quit, but as I was in bed I was thinking what if it's something that has nothing to do with willpower at all.

Okey, I don't know what willpower is, I guess that's like the ability to keep yourself from doing something or making yourself do something and maybe we're saying some people have more and some have less of this stuff right? But what if instead its not a level of willpower but rather a level of urge that causes the problem. In other words, maybe we all have the same amount of willpower, but the amount of pleasure that my friend gets from eating is greater than what I get out of it so her urges are much stronger than mine. We may have the same amount of willpower, but while that level is fine for combatting my urge level, its too small for her urge level.

It doesn't just have to apply to food, sex is another great example. I get tremendous pleasure from sex. I love it and some people could probably argue that I'm a borderline sexaholic since I'm almost like a guy in that I think about it all the time and even when I'm alone I can't keep my hands out of my panties. I have super strong urges when it comes to sex and that makes it very hard for me to control it sometimes. On the other hand, there are women out there who get low level or even no pleasure from sex. They just don't enjoy it that much for what could be a whole bunch of reasons. So for them, its pretty easy to avoid having sex. It's not that they have more willpower than I do, its just that they have weaker urges that I do.

Okey, still don't believe my theory? Think back to when you were a child. Some kids are fat and some are thin. Are you going to tell me that the thin kids have more willpower than the fat ones? When I was a child I had no willpower at all. I didn't try and keep myself from doing things that were pleasurable, that's crazy talk. I wanted to do what I wanted and its not like I was going to stop and say wait a minute Maliia, maybe I should do this in moderation and have willpower. No way. Kids don't have willpower, it's just not there. So maybe the urges and pleasure received are what makes the difference. Okey, like some kids get tons of pleasure from playing outside, running around and doing active things. That's how I was. Other kids may not get much pleasure from that but they get a lot more from playing a video game or watching t.v. (and sure I did a little of those things too but I always preferred being outside if I could). Same with food. Even as a little keiki (child) I ate pretty healthy. Sure my parents made sure of it but I made pretty healthy choices on my own, again not out of willpower or mature decisions but because I just never got that much pleasure from food. It was just I got hungry, I ate something, the hunger went away and I went back to whatever I was doing. The food wasn't the center of the activity for me. On the other hand, some kids get lots of pleasure from food. They just love the stuff and so maybe they have much stronger urges than I did and not that they had less willpower.

So that's my theory of this morning. It's easy to have willpower to control or give up something you were never that excited about in the first place, but when it comes to something you have stronger urges for, well that's where the challenge comes in. I wonder sometimes if the health and diet industries focused first on the idea of lifestyle change instead of quick fixes (which I know, Americans love quick and easy fixes and the businesses are just catering to that) but second, if they approached it not as a lack of willpower and a need to control it but rather a stronger urge or pleasurable experience that needs to be addressed. I think that's what aversion therapy is based on. If you get enough negative associations with a thing, it may stop being pleasurable and as such, the urges get weaker and more controllable. Or maybe not. All I know is I'm not planning on giving up my sex addiction anytime soon. It's just way too much fun being a fetish fucktoy in chains.

Mistress Maliia - The Cocksucking Slave Whore

I went to a bondage party last night (woo woo!) and I had a lot of fun. Hey that reminds me that for you guys and maybe some girls too who feel like you go to fetish clubs and bondage parties and you just kind of stand around and you don't do anything because you're not with someone else or whatever and maybe you don't really know the people very well so you just kind of wander around and watch what's going on without really participating I have advice (yes it's Princess Maliia to the rescue!) Don't give up. Okey I know that sounds like crappy advice but here's the thing, the more you go to these things, the more your face becomes familiar and the more you talk to people, even just casually about stuff, then the more comfortable they become with you and the more likely it becomes that they will want to play with you. Then that starts a whole thing where you play, even just a little bit with one person and then others can see how you play and what your technique is (whether top or bottom we all have our little techniques and ways of doing things right?) and can know that hey, you're okey. See, the thing about bdsm is that the root of it is trust. I know you've heard that a thousand times before but its totally true. Most people aren't going to play with a total stranger and I'm no exception. I don't play with anyone I haven't known for a long time and I'm not going to get to know you if you show up just once and then I only see you once a year after that. So there's something to be said for consistency.

Anyway, that's a little off the topic but it was something I was reminded of because this particular party happens once a month at a really nice and large private dungeon location. I don't always make it but I think over the last year I've managed to go maybe 8 or 9 times. The people there know me but more important, I've gotten to know a lot of them and I've gotten a good feel for which ones really know what they're doing and what their backstory is and what the likelyhood is that they may have the body of a 16 year old girl in the trunk of their car (which for the record, I don't think any of them do but see, I couldn't have told you that if I only showed up one time). The point of my comment above though was that its not just attached people at this party, there's plenty of single girls and guys. While the girls generally have an easier time finding play if they want it, I see a lot of the same single males at each of these parties. Over the last few months I've seen them get in a little play from time to time and as I've had conversations with them, I've gotten to know them a little. See, its all good.

So last night I don't know what kind of mood I was in and I didn't really care either. I was just going to go and have fun. See, sometimes I know how I'm feeling. I'm submissive, I'm dominant, I'm a puppy, I'm a fucktoy whore. Whatever. Last night I didn't have anything predefined. I did have a sexy new outfit though. Well some was new. I wore a new pvc corset that made my tight little body look even tighter, a pair of leather hotpants (I know some people have said skirts are better for me due to easy access but I've had this pair of hotpants for like a couple of years and I had never worn them so I thought this would be a great opportunity), fishnet stockings (yes they do make me look like a total whore which I like, but in all honesty I wore them because I got bitten by an insect on my leg and it looks a little wierd still so wanting my legs to look as hot and sexy as possible, I covered them up and that accomplished the added bonus of making me even hotter. How about that for modesty?) and my knee high black leather boots.

Usually when I go to these things I take some time to hang out, see whats going on. I don't go alone or anything, I have friends who are into the scene who go with me, sometimes a girl or a boy or both or a couple of one or the other. I like to mix things up. Last night though I got into things a lot quicker than usual. Okey here's what happened. a guy who I've seen wandering around for the last year and I started talking a little. He's a submissive and I have done a little domination of him before so we've played a bit on a couple times. Like I said, I didn't have a role picked out for myself though I heard rumors that there might be a pony play time later on so naturally I brought my bit and bridle so I could become a pony when the time came. Anyway, this guy is one of those who is such a good submissive (he really is very good at it) that it just brings out the domme in me. Seriously. So we're talking a little, he's being nice, head bowed, just naturally I think from me having dominated him before or maybe him being submissive, whatever and I was getting a little dominant. So I gave him a hard time and said what a bad slave he was not properly greeting a beautiful Mistress like me. I pointed to my shoe and I ordered him to kiss it and greet me properly, which he did in front of the party. Then I put a dog collar on him and lead him around on a leash for a little while, talking to some familiar people and drinking flavored water (have you had this stuff? It's really good. I'm a fan of the lemon, raspberry, strawberry and grape flavors), and finally I had him kneel in front of me as I sat, remove my boots and give me a foot massage for a good half hour (hey, those high heels are killers and what girl wouldn't want a nice foot massage).

He did a good job and I thought he deserved a reward so I took him into one of the rooms, made him strip and had him kneel so I could put cuffs on his wrists and ankles. Then I tied up his cock and balls (I'm so cruel) and pulled the rope back between his legs to really give him a hard time before having him bend over a padded horse where I locked him down. I must have spent at least half an hour whipping, paddling and occasionally giving him a nice little rub to make it feel better and of course from time to time I made him lick my boots or kiss my legs or ass. You know, all that whipping can be hard work but it really gets out a lot of stress and aggression. To his credit, even when I whipped as hard as I could he was happy to have it. By this time even though I was in one of the smaller rooms of the facility, a little crowd had gathered and was watching Mistress Bitch Maliia in her tight and shiny fetish clothes have her way with a lowly little slave boy. How fun. A lot of what I did was verbal humiliation, for example, I had a dildo and I made him suck on it and I asked him if he liked sucking on my cock and if he wanted me to fuck him in the ass with it (I couldn't actually fuck him in the ass with it there because of the rules of the place but it makes for a nice verbal component of the thing). Hey, I'm good at verbal humiliation so I made him shout that he wanted to be a pretty little slave slut for me and lots of other choice things.

We finished up our scene and I unlocked him. Naturally I made him kneel down, lick my boots some more (including sucking on the heels, hey, if I have to suck on cocks, the least my slave boy can do is suck on my heels right?) I still had the rope tied really tight on his cock and balls and I told him he should get dressed of course but that he couldn't release his package until he got home so that he would continue to remember our time. After that I think at least 3 or 4 guys (and a girl too to be fair) came up to me and volunteered to be my next victim. It was more like "Mistress Maliia, if you need another slave to play with I'm always happy to serve you". I guess its a good ego boost for lots of people to want to be your slave right?

Okey, so here's the thing about me, I'm very flexible. Like maybe 5 minutes later I was still feeling like Mistress Maliia and looking for other trouble to get into when my friend really put me in my place. I was standing, talking, minding my own goddamn business and he grabs me by my hair and says "get on your knees you cocksucking whore". So much for Mistress Maliia, that pretty much killed her right there and now it was fuck slave maliia's turn. He ordered me to lift my hair and he locked a dog collar around my neck and told me that I was just a naughty little bitch and should wear a collar like the dog whore I am". Hey, he's great at verbal humiliation and knows just how to hit what I like. I knew there was a reason I brought him to this party! As if that wasn't enough, he made me shout stuff to the whole party. I think he must have picked up on what I did to the slave when I was Mistress. I had to shout things like "I'm a nasty sextoy whore with 3 holes for fucking" and "I'm a lowly pet on your leash, please use me". Needless to say, it got my little pussy very wet, very fast.

He had me kiss his crotch (outside of his pants) and then kiss his shoe before attaching a leash to me and making me crawl to the middle of the room where there was a piece of dungeon equipment to chain me to. He stood me up (he's a pretty big guy, like 6'2 and I'm of course a very small girl at 5'2 and 90 lbs) and locked me (yes he used real locks) to the equipment by my wrists and ankles so that my legs were spread wide. He continued to verbally humiliate me and then he untied the corset, pulling it off and revealing my upper body to the room. I heard some applause from some of the people watching. I can't imagine they were impressed with my tiny little tits but I guess it made for a good show anyway. My friend (well, Master at the time) started alternating punishments. Whipping my back (the flogger he used wasn't very painful but it made a great sound) paddling and spanking my ass and sometimes rubbing me too. After a few minutes he attached clamps to my big thick nipples with a chain connecting them and then went back to whipping me. That was tough because everytime he whipped me the chain would swing and it would pull even more on my nipples. Now I have very sensitive nipples so this was really intense for me. Sometimes he would stop and rub between my legs and make me buck my hips against his hand and grind myself against him like a dog in heat. That was hot. I was definately dripping and if it hadn't been for the hotpants, I think my juices would have been streaking down my legs.

I'm not sure why, but my Master didn't want to take them off which worked out well because my legs were locked really far apart and spread. This was great when he was rubbing me and I was grinding but not so good when he pulled out a crop and started to crop my pussy through the hotpants. It stung a little even then and I was thinking that if I were naked, it would be even worse!

So we did this in front of everyone for a little while, me announcing from time to time what a cocksucking little slant eyed whore I was and him making me lick and suck a dildo to prove it. As I said, this club doesn't allow penetration (which is just too bad) because I would have loved to give him a blowjob or feel him in my ass or pussy. Seriously, I was totally hot for it, but he did pull out his cock and I could kiss and lick it (as long as I didn't take it in my mouth and suck on it. What a stupid rule). He had a nice cock too, longer than average and not much hair which is good for me because I like to lick a guy's balls but the hair factor kind of gets to me sometimes.

After I did that for a bit he finally unlocked me (good thing too because my arms were getting tired) and had me kneel again while he took off my cuffs. I spent the rest of the night on a leash though which was fine with me too. So now you're probably wondering if my friend took my home with him and used my 3 holes and treated me like the little cocksucking slave whore I am. Well, maybe he did, but then, maybe this little blog entry has gone on long enough for today huh?

It's Hard to be an Extra Small Slut Girl

So last time I posted a message I was talking about my Old Navy adventures and I guess it must have been really boring because very few people decided to comment on it. For the couple of people who did bother to share their thoughts with me, thanks! You're the coolest kids in the room. The rest of you however need to get your act together okey? And if the problem is that I'm writing just really boring crap, well you can tell me that too okey?

Anyway, the point was that in the post I said that one of the reasons I liked Old Navy was because the carry a lot of small sizes like XS and even XXS. That might not sound like a big deal (actually its a small deal, get it?) but I'm a very small girl. I'm only 5'2 and I'm now around 90 pounds so its hard to find clothes that fit me. I told you before that I sometimes shop at juniors/teen girls sections and stores for clothes and its tough because okey for like fun clothes that's okey but for clothes an adult would wear that is a little more serious well, they just don't have that for teenagers very often.

And they certainly don't have fetish clothes. See, this is my problem. I don't know how into the fetish scene you are but you may have noticed that there's a lot of large and overweight girls into bondage. Some might argue that its a self esteem issue with their appearance that drove them to fetish due to the acceptance or some other psycho babble but I think its perfectly representative of American society. Let's face it gang, two thirds of Americans are overweight and half of those are actually obese. That's not good.

It also means that its hard for a small girl to find what she wants. I'm in the minority in more ways than one. I've always been used to being a slanty eyed brown skinned minority and when you add on the fact that I don't have a penis, well it's tough to be a girl like me. Now you pile on to that the fact that I'm not in the majority of people with weight problems and its just not easy. Hey, I'm not saying anything bad about overweight people for the record, I have friends who are dealing with weight issues and I keep telling them that diets don't work. It's just not going to happen that way because even if you do manage somehow to lose a little weight, the minute you reach your goal (if you reach it) you'll go back to the same habits that likely contributed to your weight gain in the first place. I said the only way to do it is a lifestyle change. You have to get more active, move your body more and its not just about what you eat and how much but also when you eat it plays a role too. Hey, she's making good progress with my advice. The best part of my plan is that there's no guilt for having a cookie or piece of cake or whatever, that kind of thing is okey, its just let's not go overboard with it okey?

Anyway, I'm getting off track here (again!) because the point I was trying to get to was the fact that its very hard for me to find good fetish clothes. I go to stores like Dream Dresser or Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood and they almost never have anything that fits me. Seriously, I can't just buy off the rack generally when it comes to pvc, latex and leather. Every once in a while I'll find a nice corset that fits or some other thing, but its pretty rare and even worse I'm really nervous about ordering online because the return policies for these kinds of stores are just not that friendly and I don't want to be stuck with some pvc dress that was supposed to be small but small for them still is big enough to fit two of me into.

I love fetish clothes too, seriously. I just totally love dressing up as a totally trashy fuck doll whore and showing off what a little piece of ass I am. I've managed over the years to get a few cool fetish dresses and some bras, skirts, corsets, etc. But its been really piece by piece just trying to assemble things that fit. And its not like you can just buy this stuff and take it to the tailor to get it to fit because I found out the hard way that most tailors can't or won't deal with this kind of thing. The one who tried to alter a pair of tight, shiny black pvc shorts for me ended up ruining them. Good thing they weren't too expensive, but that's not the point. Interestingly, a lot of the stuff I do have that I mentioned above was custom made for me. I've had a few people over the last few years who made these things or had a factory or whatever so they hooked me up. But you know, it's never enough! I'd love to run around in latex or rubber but good luck finding anything that fits me and baggy latex is never a good look. It has to be skin tight in order for the affect to be half decent and as I said, they don't really sell this kind of thing in children's sizes. I can't see to many 12 year old girls dressing up as fuck whores in latex and rubber, which is probably a good thing frankly because that's a little young for that sort of thing. Of course I got into bondage when I was in my teens but that's a different story.

See, a lot of time I'll be in an adult store (I love those, so many pretty dildos and I like looking at the bondage magazines and videos too though now with the internet, there's just no reason to leave your house and besides, my webcage should have everything you need right?) and I'll see these fetish articles like in a box like tight shiny opera gloves or leggings or hotpants or whatever and I'll think I bet that's really hot, I want that. But IF they have a box with a small size which is almost never, I'll take that out and look and guess what? Still way too big for me. Ugh! See, its great to have a hot little body but why don't they make it easier for me to show it off? Do they not want to see my tight little brown body dressed like a nasty bondage bitch in heat? Or maybe its just capitalism and they're appealing to the other two thirds of Americans by providing more of those larger sizes. At least I don't have these problems when it comes to getting bondage equipment. A gag doesn't care how small your tits are. Whips don't worry about whether you have a flat stomach or small legs. Chains, dog collars and leashes even aren't worried about how big or small you are really. So maybe that explains why I have like a dozen different kinds of gags, tons of whips, maybe two dozen dog/slave collars, enough chains to weigh down the Titanic and lots of other bondage toys but a relatively small fetish clothing collection (small compared to what it would be if I could ever find my fucking size!).

So that's my story. Sad I know but true and if it frustrates you as much as me then maybe we should have a petition that says that companies should be more concerned with seeing hot little slanty eyed fuck whores dressing hot in fetish clothes that fit them than in providing sizes for the masses. Or maybe they can just have more smaller sizes huh?

Maliia's Old Navy Adventures

I did a little shopping yesterday because I'm female and that's what we do. I know its a stereotypical statement but you have to figure that in general terms there's probably some truth rooted in the whole thing. I'm not saying that everyone woman likes to go shopping but enough probably do that the stereotype is born. Anyway, so I was just wandering around like a nomad through the mall looking at things. I really try to pay attention though and only buy things that I thing I can really use and enjoy. I've seen some women wandering around like Nordstrom zombies trying to find anything that will work well enough that they can buy it. You know, its like they really want to buy something, anything and its just a question of what.

I'm not picky about where I shop though and what I buy in terms of brands and stuff. I know some girls who will only shop at Nordstrom or Hollister if she's a hip chick (which I am but I'm also a lot more open minded) or they would never buy anything at the Target because you know, that's where the poor people shop (which is totally not true but you know, we're talking about impressions and excuses here, not reality). See, if I see something cute that I like and I know I'll wear and enjoy, I don't care if it came from Target or if its not made by some fancy designer. It's all about me looking as cute as possible and being happy. Some girls seem to think that the designer labels and $300 jeans will bring them happiness, but I just don't think it works that way.

So I went to the Old Navy store. Isn't that just the coolest. For a long time I refused to go to Old Navy because I hated their commercials. I wouldn't go anywhere near one. I said gah, their commercials are so terrible, I don't want to have anything to do with that. Ugh! That was great until one day a few years ago when I was doing something, I don't know what but I was in some shopping center somewhere waiting for something or whatever and there was an Old Navy store. Well I had nothing better to do anyway so I thought okey, I'll go look around. Hey, I was pleasantly surprised. They had some pretty cool stuff and it wasn't too expensive. Excellent. Besides, as you know I'm a super small girl. Hey, I have to buy half my stuff from the children's and juniors departments at stores but Old Navy had great sizes for me like XS and XXS. That's tough to find for me you know. I'm just a few hot fudge sundaes away from being able to buy normal clothes in the adult department. Maybe not.

Now before you start thinking that I'm being paid by the people at Old Navy to get you to go shop there, this is where the story is going okey? So I went in yesterday to the one here in Santa Monica and gah it was totally crowded. Okey I can handle that but I found some cute things. Seriously, a really cute tank top and couple of little half button tops. Very neat stuff, trust me! I wanted to go to the dressing room to try them on but it was packed. Not just packed but htere was a huge line of people waiting for a room. I hate lines, I can't wait in that. This isn't like trying to get into a rock concert. It's a fucking dressing room people!

But those tops were really cute too. So do I wait in line or do I ditch the tops and try again another time. I'm a creative girl so I thought of a third way which was naturally to go back to the women's department, take off my top and just try on the shirts right there. No my tits weren't hanging out I was wearing a bra, but that was pretty much it. Hey if girls can wander around Third Street in bikini tops (including me sometimes) why not wander around in a bra right? Besides, it as only for a couple of seconds and I loved every second of it as the nasty little exhibitionist I am.

Anyway, the story worked out well, I bought the ones I liked and everything was happy right? Well almost but not quite. See when I bought the stuff I was told that hey, if I go online and do a quick survey or something that I can get a discount for my next time. Oh goodie! See that's the thing now with all these chain stores, they all want for you to do surveys so they can find even better ways to get you to buy their stuff. So I thought why not. So when I got home I turned on my trusty little computer and went to the address it gave and started my survey. Quick survey my ass. I was going through question after question after question. It was never ending. Have you bought a shirt in the last 6 months? Are you going to buy a shirt in the next 6 months? If you buy a shirt in the next 6 months, will the shirt be blue? See, I think that driving your customers to commit suicide (or worse yet, murder) just can't be good for business. I didn't think the stupid survey would ever end but finally it did and now when I return to the store I'll get my big $5 discount. Unless of course I don't go back in the next 88 days in which case I'm screwed.

Maliia's G-String Betrayal

I love how I look in thong or g-string panties. Hey, I have a great ass, I don't mind showing it off and I think its sexy. Granted, I try to get away with not wearing panties whenever possible and yes I do sleep naked most of the time too, but the point is that I don't like wearing granny-panties, you know the big full kind that your grandma might wear. No, if I have to wear panties, its thongs and g-strings for me.

Of course that brings us to a little problem. Have you ever worn a g-string? Now if you're a guy, the answer is probably no. Let's face is, we're talking about a tiny piece of clothing that resembles a postage stamp with some dental floss attached to it. As long as your package isn't the same size as the postage stamp, and for most guys I think its probably not (though I have seen some teeny weenies, they didn't hold my attention. Sorry!), then I don't think your stuff is going to fit very well in there. Unless you're wearing them as part of a feminization thing or you're playing underwear reversal with your wife or girlfriend (which is a lot of fun by the way. I've made my boyfriends wear my panties sometimes because then they would think of me all day and be super horny and ready to fuck me later on). Anyway, the point is that while these panties look great, there is a downside that most guys just will never know about.

I was walking through the Third Street Promenade to get to the mall down on the end yesterday and it was pretty crowded, you know, Saturday brings out everyone and I was wearing a cute little skirt that was pretty short but its been so hot lately I have to get as much air circulation as I can right? Anyway, if I were going to go out to a club or fetish party or whatever I probably would go bare under there for easy access but then I wouldn't wear this skirt anyway because its my bondage bitch undercover outfit. You know, normal stuff. So the trouble is walking out in public with families and police and other fun people, as much as I'd like to I can't risk a nice breeze exposing my fun places. Don't get me wrong, that would be great exhibition for me since I love showing myself off and a little humiliation too, but as much as I love that, I also believe in consensual activities and though they might like it, the average family on the street hasn't really consented to seeing my cute little brown body. On the other hand, if you're in a fetish club, well that's consent enough for me. So I thought I would wear panties of course and I wasn't paying attention when I grabbed a pair from my drawer and I got a pair I hadn't worn in like forever. I thought well, it's been a while for these, why not?

So this is where the problem comes in. I'm walking with my friend who is taller than me, more determined to get to where we're going and as you know, I'm a short girl so my legs are short. In the meantime, the g-string has gotten totally trapped up my ass and its just not comfortable. See, g-strings are tricky things. They're supposed to go between your ass cheeks of course so to a degree, you're supposed to feel it there which is fine and actually kind of a turn on, but when it really gets wedged up there like you're getting a wedgie or something, that's when good turns to bad and its just plain uncomfortable. It also makes it uncomfortable to walk as well (the fact that I was wearing heels as I usually do to make me look taller probably doesn't help that either). So I'm walking along and I kind of dealt with it for a while but it just got too annoying but I couldn't slow down and fix it because of my friend who was walking so fast so I kind of tried to casually adjust it by moving around a little, trying to adjust it from the outside of my skirt. Well that didn't work at all, actually I think it made things worse.

I got to a point in which I decided to take a chance with it so as we were passing a little structure in the middle of the walkway I kind of turned towards it, put myhand under my skirt, grabbed the g-string and did a nice little adjustment. Everything is cool right? Sure. For like ten steps and then guess what? It goes right back to where it was. No that's not true, it actually managed to get even more wedged up there. If it had been a cock at least I would have had a nice fucking out of it and maybe the people out on third street would have even enjoyed watching me cum from a nice ass fucking but unfortunately for all of us, that just wasn't the case.

By this time I was so over the whole trying to be discreet about it and I just reached back as I was walking and pulled the g-string out and adjusted it again. I'm sure that didn't look good at all. People either thought I was scratching my ass, which just isn't ladylike, or maybe I held my hand back there too long and I was playing with my pussy from behind, which also doesn't look good but at least it would have felt pretty nice. The moral of the story I think is sometimes there's a reason why a pair of panties doesn't get worn in a long time. Or maybe the moral is, she who wears g-string panties that get stuck in her ass must walk funny or look funny trying to fix it. Or maybe there isn't a moral but it certainly reinforces my belief in not wearing panties whenever possible. I think next time I get a boyfriend I'm making him wear these for sure.

It's Not the Heat. No Wait, Yes it is.

Lately it's been very hot here in Southern California. It's like an oven outside and that's with the ocean breeze we get here in Santa Monica. I had to go to the valley the other day to the porn capital of the world, Van Nuys (oddly though not to film a new porn video) and I was driving my Jeep on the 405 freeway and when I got to the top of the hill it was like a blast of hot air like opening an oven door. I think the valley is like a big soup bowl that traps all the hot air and smog and stuff. I don't think I could live down there. Besides, I'm like a fish kinda, if I live more than a few blocks from the ocean I'll start flapping around, gasping for air.

I think temperature wise, I must be a very picky girl. Having grown up in Hawaii, for me the perfect temperature runs between 80 - 89 degrees. Anything outside of that range starts getting uncomfortable for me. Seriously. If we get into the 90's, sure I can handle it just like I can handle the 70's, but I'm not happy about it. I think one of the reasons I don't go to cold places very often is because when I'm in a place less than 70 I get very cold. That's no fun!

So I was thinking about this and I realized that the heat makes people crazy. I've been feeling crazier lately whenever I'm outside doing stuff and I'm hot. Like driving around in traffic, people have lost their minds! I'm sure there's a study somewhere that will back up the idea that heat makes peope crazier. So that being the case, isn't it interesting that most of the terrorists we hear about come from hot places? Most of the instability of the world are in hot countries and most terrorism takes place in hot places? Okey sure we can all point to exceptions, but I think the majority of stuff is happening where its really hot. I have to wonder if the middle east would really be such a violent place if it were relocated to Antarctica. I'm betting things would calm down really fast. You don't see anyone fighting over land in Antarctica. No one cares who lives where down there, no one's talking about blowing those infidel penguins off the map, it's just too damn cold to bother arguing about it. For those of you who think I've just said something really stupid by oversimplifying the problems of the middle east or terrorists or whatever, hey, I'm not being serious okey? Well, maybe a little serious, I mean come on, half the people in Van Nuys who were walking down the street looked ready to run into an ice cream parlor with a bomb strapped to their chest if it meant they could enjoy air conditioning for the half second before the bomb went off. Of course they always seem to look that way even when its not that hot, so that might not be a good example. Still, you'd think that people living in the porn capital of the world would be a lot happier, but I guess when its that hot, even porn doesn't seem as fun.

No One Wants My Used Gags & Vibrators

Someone sent me an email yesterday wanting to know why I don't sell all kinds of fun stuff like t-shirts, coffee mugs, hats and beach towels with my website name or photo on them. I guess it does sound like a nice way to make a little extra money, though I'm not sure how many people really want to run around with my photo on their chest. Sure, I may be an exciting girl to look at when you're playing with yourself and I love that I've inspired so many orgasms, but still, does that really translate into showing off my cute face when you're shopping at the Wal-Mart? Probably not. Besides, I think people are in different stages about the openness of their sexuality. Some people may be doing really kinky stuff but they don't want anyone else to know about it for a variety of reasons, shame, fear or just because its no one else's damn business what they're into. Others like me are totally open about it and have no problem walking down the street in a collar and on a leash like a bad little puppy slavegirl while dressed as fetish whore Barbie. I think most people are a lot closer to the first one where they like what they like but its not really something they take outside of the house with them. I get this totally. I have friends from bondage clubs and parties who I've run into outside of the scene and they look and act totally different. You wouldn't even recognize them because they compartmentalize areas of their lives, particularly their professional or societal face and their personal face. Even the personal face can get broken up into pieces as the one they might share with their wife or girlfriend and another for the kids, parents, etc.

I know of a lot of relationships frankly in which one person is seriously into BDSM and has huge fantasies and is desperate to do things, but they've told me that their other half doesn't even know they're into it. See, that's hard for me to take. I think if you're going to be in a relationship with someone, you need to be upfront with them about your desires, especially if you trust them. I mean really, if you think they're going to run out of the house screaming just because you want for her or him to chain you up and make you lick their boots, well that tells me there are probably other problems with the relationship and some chains and whips aren't going to be the reason it falls apart even if it looks that way on the surface. Besides, I can think of tons of examples in which you had this situation and finally the person came clean (in a slow, methodical, organized way as not to overwhelm their other half) and discovered either that the person was willing to try it because of love and desire to make them happy or even was really into the idea as well but also was afraid to say anything. Seriously, being honest about this sort of thing, even in small doses will get you a lot more happiness and fulfillment. As I've said before, it can really spice up the sexual relationship too. Let's face it, too much of anything gets boring after a while and that means vanilla sex or bdsm or whatever. So you have to mix things up once in a while and bdsm or roleplay or fetish are great ways to do it.

Anyway, I'm getting off track here, we were talking about why I'm not selling stuff here at my webcage. Sure, I guess it would better promote my site, give me some "branding" (though not the kinky kind) and maybe even put money in my pocket which I would of course love because then I'd have more money for more bondage equipment (that stuff is expensive!) fetish outfits (again, very expensive) and of course sexy stiletto heel boots and shoes, but I'm not sure anyone would buy it both for the reasons I gave above and another thing too.

A couple of years ago I tried to sell some things of mine that were a lot more intimate than just t-shirts and hats. I offered up for sale a lot of the lingerie and some of the fetish clothes from my photo and video shoots and just from my closet too. I thought it was a great idea and I had a couple of crotchless bodysuits (maybe that was the problem, no obvious pussy contact), some lacy panties, stockings, PVC hotpants, bras and other lacy fun things that were next to my silky smooth brown skin. I also had a couple of collars that I wore a lot and quite a few gags that stuffed my cute little mouth, a few of the dildos and vibrators in my collection (well used of course) and a couple of anal plugs including one with a cute little tail on it that I loved. I thought for sure people who were really into me would love that stuff, after all, a lot of girls sell their previously worn intimate stuff online. I figured mine was a lot better than just some pair of 99 cent Wal-Mart granny panties that some girl just slipped on and took off real quick, this was really cool stuff that was actually used on several occasions, sometimes in things you could see on my site and sometimes just because I was feeling horny or I was in the process of getting fucked in one of my little holes.

Well, maybe I didn't market the thing right or present it in the right way. I thought I made things as cool as possible but it just didn't work out and no one really showed much of an interest. So at that point I decided that as sexy and naughty as I am, I guess I'm just not the kind of girl that people want that kind of thing from. I'm okey with that, I mean I'm not offended one way or the other on this. The idea that someone would find things that were in my holes like gags or dildos or on my skin to have such sexual power that they could get pleasure from it is a turn on for me but I already know people like to cum from looking at me so it's not a big deal.

Anyway, so that's what happened. I figured that if people don't want my gags, collars and panties then they certainly won't want a t-shirt or hat with my website or picture on it. Maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, I ended up either just keeping a lot of that stuff, giving it to kinky friends who I play with sometimes or just trashing it if it was time for that (you can't very well give away some of this stuff to Goodwill. I mean you can but come on, they're not going to sell it in their store and they're not going to give it to some homeless person, though frankly that might not be a bad idea for them to have a little porn and kink department in their thrift store). So if there was someone out there reading this and thinking gosh, I would have bought that. Well too late, you missed your chance. For most of you though based on what happened before, I think it probably doesn't matter either way and that's fine with me too. It just means more gags, vibrators, plugs, collars and lingerie for me!